My Struggles with Anxiety, Part 138,392,873

I feel like a majority of my Tweets and Toots (on Mastodon) is about my sleep quality. Okay, let me narrow that down to horrible sleep quality. I am telling you people, my sleep has been horrendous since I applied for the job I applied for.

I haven’t heard anything. I’ve poked and prodded. Still, I’ve heard nothing.

But this is the thing: I don’t need that job. I am pretty content at the place I am at now, but I crave a change, but at the same time, I am happy if that change doesn’t happen.

What’s driving me crazy though is knowing whether I got the job or not. Sure, it’ll give me something else to think about because it will no doubt uproot my personal life and cause a few issues with my husband’s job and visa. So, I said I would cross that bridge when I got it. The new place is honestly a place where I would LOVE to work at in a city that I would love to live in again.

I don’t know. I want to get back to the life I had when I first moved to Australia. I miss the city. At a time when people want to move away, I want to move closer to (or better yet, in) a big city.

Having said this and the state of my mental health, I don’t think that the next podcast episode will arrive in the time frame I planned. No big deal because we have to look out after ourselves first, right?

I just really wish that I had a normal functioning mind where the what-ifs don’t control me. I wish I didn’t constantly question myself and my decisions. I wish that the decisions that don’t make a difference in my life, um… don’t bother me as much. This is my struggle with anxiety right now.

One thought on “My Struggles with Anxiety, Part 138,392,873

  1. Hey I stumbled across your blog and this post from Mastodon, so yeah pretty random that I wound up here. What caught my attention is the subject of anxiety. Now, I know I cannot speak for everyone who experiences anxiety but reading just this little bit about what you got going on in your life, well I think it would be quite normal for anyone to be anxious about the prospects of a new job, the visa and so on. So don’t beat yourself up because you’re anxious about all these changes, I think anyone would be anxious. That being said, I don’t know how it feels to be you (queue up Tom Petty), so don’t think I am minimizing your experience. Understand that big things this are going to induce a lot of anxiety, it might be excitement, it might be the what-ifs or the dread of things changing.

    I haven’t read anything else yet but my guess would be that you got a good head on your shoulders, hang in there things will work out fine. Take care.

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