UPDATE: Yeah, that didn’t happen. This podcast episode will probably be scrapped. I haven’t had the time and/or energy to edit it and all that. I’m going to try to get one out (re-recorded or not) this month.
I’ve started recording podcast episodes again. Still, I am not committing to a set schedule, but I thought that I would record while I drive from place to place. I feel as if this makes the time pass a little faster and helps me formulate and process the thoughts I have in my head. I recorded in mid-June and thought I would post the whole thing at once, but my recording ended up being over 1.5 hours, so I will slice it into two parts.
For those with an account, you can listen about 3-5 days early. I had planned to upload the first on 1 July, but that will be moved to next week due to some unexpected health issues. They’ll need a bit of editing.
I sat down in front of my microphone and recorded a new podcast episode since, you know, I haven’t actually done that since October. I haven’t really been in the greatest physical or mental state for a bit, so I haven’t bothered recording… or posting anything here… or even chatting. I just haven’t been in a mood to do any of these things.
I haven’t been overly sad, depressed, or upset or anything like that. Well, let me take some of that back. In my latest podcast episode, I talk about some health issues that have prevented me from typing or doing anything with my left hand (and sometimes right hand). That, admittedly, was really hard. I had to take about a month of sick leave from work and a lot of my annual leave was used up. I had no choice but to go back to work, but at that time, things were about 80% better. I still struggle sometimes, but for the most part, it’s business as usual with an application of some topical medication, wrist braces, and ibuprofen.
This is probably something that I didn’t say in the podcast, but I got really down after a while because I thought that the use of my hands was gone for good. How would I work? How would I cook? How would I drive? Why didn’t the medications work? What was wrong with me??? For the first time in a long time, I was depressed. My partner isn’t here to help me and I have bills to pay. I stayed in bed hoping that resting my limbs would be the magic cure.
Luckily, things are better now. I am almost at full capacity again. I took some supplements and things started feeling better.
What it made me realise is how it may feel for someone who loses function in a body part at some point in their life and then it’s permanent. I really respect people who have suffered some sort of disability and they have to find new ways to do things they used to do. It takes so much hard work and perseverance, not to mention strength.
I’m lucky that my arms, wrists, and hands function again. Sure, it’s not perfect, but who’s to say it will stay that way? It’s a scary thought, but as scary and frustrating as it is, adapting to a new life is necessary.
A few changes are coming. And I am under a huge amount of stress. And I might be a little crazy. (But that’s okay… and expected.)
Removing Twitter Integration
Celebrate, for this is the last Twitter notification for a new post at my weblog! I don’t read my Twitter feed anymore. I don’t even post anything anymore except the odd complaint about how tired and exhausted I am. You’re saved.
Having said that though, it would be responsible of me to let you know that you can follow my boring antics at Mastodon. At least I know Mastodon doesn’t make it their business model to follow me around on the Internet.
Removing Telegram Integration Too
Does anybody even realise that this is a thing? No? Okay, then.
Also, this will be the last notification at Telegram because blog posts are becoming so rare–what’s the point?
There will be no more updates being sent to the chatroom and I am thinking that chatroom probably won’t be around very long either…
New Podcast Episodes? No Thanks.
I have no plans right now to record. I’m just not interested right now. Now, if something changes somehow by a miracle, I might start again. I guess this isn’t the end of it, but damn it, it’s close.
Website Redesign… Slowly
Most of my website revolves around regularly updating my podcast which hasn’t happened since October 2021. I will do a bit of work here and there to defocus the podcast component.
As I’ve mentioned in passing, I don’t know whether I will continue all of this next year.
Why Is This F***ing Happening
The past several months have been brutal at times. My calendar of events has turned into a mess of “go to work, go home, travel for 4 hours, go to work at another job, stay with my partner, travel 4 hours, and go home” then rinse and repeat. It’s exhausting and I’m struggling to cope at times. If I can stop stressing over stuff that doesn’t matter (like podcasting), I will have some time to sit back and unwind.
It’s so hard to relax and I don’t think that this post really reflects my feelings. I am back to being on edge again. That’s not a good thing. At the end of the day, my mental health is most important. I am not sorry. I am tired of being afraid to say “no”. I’m just over it.
If you do want to stay in touch, you can message me via Telegram, message me through my site or follow me with Mastodon. I am not disappearing because I am “too busy”. I’m just removing a lot of the BS in my life right now. Podcasting and talking about my problems with myself or others no longer has a therapeutic effect for me. I am tackling it on my own with a better mindset and it’s been the only thing that hasn’t pulled me down a hole of self-loathing and sadness. I am okay. I just need to chill the fuck out a bit.
Don’t you love when I say that I am quitting something only to say “nevermind” later? It’s happened again. (If you’re curious about what I’m talking about, see this blog post.)
I am not officially ending my personal podcast but I am going to take a break from it while I do a few things. I need to focus on my professional life and personal relationships. Podcasting doesn’t take much time away from these things, but it feels so much better when I am not obligated to continue. Keep in mind that I am a planner. I operate better when I plan, so you’ll see posts and upcoming episodes. Right this second, I am planning to take a bit of a break until the start of 2022.
I would die without a creative outlet of some sort. So for me to say I am completely stopping something is not easy. For me to fight the urge is even harder. I know I’m not great at it, but it still feels great to talk about things. It helps me mentally process things. Listeners or not, it’s worth the free therapy!
I will be around and I AM well.
If you have an account here, you may find little updates here and there in audio form. Of course, when I am back, I will recap everything.
Much love, people. I hope your Pride Month has been fun and exciting!
Hello everyone! It has finally happened. I am bored with podcasting to an invisible audience. Well, no, I am just exhausted with caring about it, so my next one is going to be my last… for now.
In my last few episodes, I discussed about my frustrations of living such a calm, and boring life, so why say the same thing over and over again?
If you’ve been listening, I didn’t mean to call you invisible. I know you’re there. I appreciate you listening for as long as you have, even if your first episode you listened to was this morning. I appreciate you listening, even if you have listened to 30 seconds of me once by accident.
I’m not saying I don’t need the therapy because I do, but general life is getting in the way. I’ll manage because I’ll keep creating because it’s what I do. Whether anybody will see any of it, who knows? I’ll be around… somewhere, somehow because I do need this creative outlet.
So I said what I needed to, and I really wish you well. I hope you take super good care of yourself. Promise me you’ll do that, okay?
This blog may or may not live on. There’s an incredible need right now to be productive. We will see how that plays out! See you all later, and thank you again!
And yes, I said “for now” because I might do another one, just not a personal podcast. I am 100% done with that. 🙂