Thought Machine

Diminishing

| Ben

I’ve been neglecting this weblog. Hell, I’ve been neglecting my personal website.

I don’t really feel bad about it… well, maybe I do a little bit because I am posting this here.

The need for a personal website becomes a lot less necessary because I feel as if I’m pretty content with not oversharing anymore. I do focus a bit on my mental and physical health because, well, I need some sort of therapy somewhere. Luckily, I’ve been able to handle my mental health issues in other ways. That probably makes me look like I complain a lot.

So, what do I do? I’ve been reducing my digital footprint for years and feel like I am just wasting money (and time) keeping it going. My need for expressing myself on a soapbox has been diminishing for years. I feel like no one cares anymore.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing though.

So do I keep these little projects going? Or do I let it die. I’m still trying to decide. I have until the end of the year to make the decision to remove the life support. I guess we’ll see, won’t we?

I hope you are all well.

My Struggles with Anxiety, Part 138,392,873

| Ben

I feel like a majority of my Tweets and Toots (on Mastodon) is about my sleep quality. Okay, let me narrow that down to horrible sleep quality. I am telling you people, my sleep has been horrendous since I applied for the job I applied for.

I haven’t heard anything. I’ve poked and prodded. Still, I’ve heard nothing.

But this is the thing: I don’t need that job. I am pretty content at the place I am at now, but I crave a change, but at the same time, I am happy if that change doesn’t happen.

What’s driving me crazy though is knowing whether I got the job or not. Sure, it’ll give me something else to think about because it will no doubt uproot my personal life and cause a few issues with my husband’s job and visa. So, I said I would cross that bridge when I got it. The new place is honestly a place where I would LOVE to work at in a city that I would love to live in again.

I don’t know. I want to get back to the life I had when I first moved to Australia. I miss the city. At a time when people want to move away, I want to move closer to (or better yet, in) a big city.

Having said this and the state of my mental health, I don’t think that the next podcast episode will arrive in the time frame I planned. No big deal because we have to look out after ourselves first, right?

I just really wish that I had a normal functioning mind where the what-ifs don’t control me. I wish I didn’t constantly question myself and my decisions. I wish that the decisions that don’t make a difference in my life, um… don’t bother me as much. This is my struggle with anxiety right now.

A Singing Web Browser

| Ben
Opera GX
A web browser for gamers

Once upon a time, I used to use Opera as my main web browser. One day, it seemed to lose its way and the web browser was sold off to a Chinese company. I stopped using it because I found a new web browser that was started by Opera’s founder called Vivaldi. That’s my main browser now.

Every so often, Opera comes out with an interesting product that I try out. First was their concept browser called Opera Neon, then came Opera GX, a web browser targeting gamers.

I have to admit that it’s pretty cool.

The latest update adds adaptive background music which means that it plays music while you use it. You can change the sound by surfing the web, typing in text boxes, or opening new tabs. It’s pretty cool. It feels really space age and got me thinking about revisiting music creation. How’s that for inspiration?

It also lets me chat, watch other gamers, and stuff at the same time. It’s a pretty handy product if I am feeling social.

Sometimes, I have it open in the background just to listen to the calming sounds it makes. 🙂 It’s nice. If you’re a gamer or want to use a browser that’s not Chrome (but it’s similar), you should download Opera GX.

Download Opera GX for Windows or Mac

(PS: This post isn’t something that I get paid for. It’s just a cool little thing I found. Also, if you’re hardcore-nerdy, you can try out the Beaker browser, which is a P2P browser for web hackers. It’s pretty cool too.)

Money Honey

| Ben

I decided against going back home for the weekend so I can focus myself on a ton of stuff that I need to do. I haven’t actually started on that stuff yet. I had to go pick up some caffeine and sugar first. (I’ve got a lot of typing to do for studies. I’m almost done though.)

I kind of miss my husband though I admit. I saw the question below:

The quick and easy answer: yes.

The longer version is that I would love to stay with him because it means we could do a lot of good things for ourselves and other people. We’re both people who love to help others and I think we could do a lot of good. I think we could live a very nice life together, quit our stressful jobs, and do whatever we wanted.

Having said that, I wouldn’t leave anybody if I won a lot of money. I really love my relationship with my husband. I don’t tell him that a lot, but he’s been a really wonderful guy and takes care of me and others so well. People like that in their personal and professional lives need nice surprises.

Okay, that’s all I’ll say for now. I need to get this studying started. I hope everyone is well, especially those back home in Texas who are dealing with yet another hurricane.

More Political Babble

| Ben

When I start “new” blogs, I usually start posting daily, but I didn’t do it this time. Way to go for me.

I try not to be too political in my writing because, well, it ruffles people’s panties. I don’t want to continuously piss people off. That’s not my goal… usually. Yet, politics is on my mind again.

When I first registered as a voter in the US, I registered as a Republican voter because my dad insisted on it and I just accepted that. Then I learned about what they stand for and changed it to Democrat. I’m much more for the people than the corporations and I don’t like what Republicans stand for. There are some ideas where I can say “Okay, that’s not so bad” but for a majority of what they believe, I don’t agree.

Having said that, I believe that a change between the both every so often is “healthy” for the country. I believe we work best when both sides actually cooperate, but as we’ve seen during this administration, that doesn’t happen very often.

In regards to the USA, I am an overseas voter. I try to vote in most of the major elections and I vote for the lesser evil. My vote is for Texas though, and it’s quite well-known how Texas usually votes, so my side loses… a lot. Oh well, what can you do?

I’m really hoping for a change (or return) to some kind of normality next year. Sadly, I’m not convinced that US citizens care about electing the best person for the job, as we’ve seen. I see the Great Orange Overlord getting ‘blessed’ with another four years. I really hope I’m proven wrong. I really do.

As I’ve said, I’m going to eventually shy away from posting my political thoughts. I hope.

Anyway, I don’t know if any of that had a point. Maybe it’s just that I wanted to talk about myself. I love talking about myself. 🙂

I hope everyone is doing well. If you’ve migrated over from Idiologic, welcome back! 🙂

What’s to Hate About Australia?

| Ben

I came across a news article this morning about an American backpacker hating things about Australia and immediately got a bit defensive. Strange, huh? I’m a dual citizen of Australia and the USA and I’ve been here for over ten years now, so I’m used to how things work here. I’ve adapted to changes the best I can but there are still things that irritate me. Some of the things I agree with and I was surprised.

Here’s a few things he said and my comment about them:

Slow Wi-Fi

Agree.

The Wi-Fi that’s available in restaurants or offered by the cities here is incredibly slow. The internet, in general, has always been slow. It’s been decent at universities but yeah, you wouldn’t want to go to your local McDonald’s and try to get anything done. He complained about it taking 5-7 hours to upload a YouTube video and that’s not wrong. I’ve got faster internet at home, but it’s not as good as it is in the USA. I’m always relieved when I head back to the USA and get online. Australia really needs to do better.

‘Aggressive’ Flies

Agree, 1000%.

The flies totally ruin my summer to the point where I don’t even want to walk outside sometimes. It’s especially annoying where I am living now (out in the country). I’m actually thankful for the really hot days when they all get cooked. They’re just annoying. After more than a decade, I still hate the flies.

Compulsory Helmet Wearing

Disagree.

Whatever promotes safety is fine with me. I don’t mind if the government steps in to make people comply.

No Free Refills

Disagree.

It was annoying when I first got here (and some places actually DO refills, but it’s not common). It’s one of those things that was just an annoyance but I’ve learned to live with it and pay for anything extra I get. It also cuts down the amount of sugar I have as well.

And have you seen the sizes of cups in the USA? Do people really need those refilled???

Speed Cameras

Disagree.

Bring them on. If you’re not speeding, you have nothing to worry about and if you feel like the fine you’ve gotten is unjustified, then dispute it. Easy. It’s all about public safety (and also revenue).

Paying at the Petrol/Gas Pump

Agree.

At most places, this isn’t possible. I’d have to say that I’ve seen it maybe once or twice since I’ve lived in Australia. It was so bad that I was a little confused when I went to the USA and totally forgot what I needed to do to pump gas. I did like that system. The less people I have to deal with, the better.

And now, my very small list:

Store Hours

In a lot of places, the hours stores stay open is terrible at best. When you’re living out in the country like I am, you’re lucky to find any place that’s open on the weekend. You end up having to drive to a bigger town that’s an hour away just to do your shopping. And you have to be quick because these places close around 5 pm.

A lot of places close at 4:30 pm but people leave their job at 5 pm. Yeah.

Fines, Everywhere

Instead of putting people in jail or prison, the government would rather fine you. They aren’t cheap fines either. I guess they’d rather have the cash flow than putting people in jail. I totally get it but a lot of the time, people don’t even pay those. I have received one for $250-ish one time for losing my train ticket. I found that ticket by the time I left, so I guess that’s a win?

It’s hard to list the negatives, honestly. I have so many nice things to say about Australia. Obviously, I love living here. I’d much rather live here than the USA, honestly.

Every place has its negatives and flaws and I feel like the positives outweigh the negatives. I’m happy here.

Would I be happy in the USA? I could find happiness there. I never was incredibly unhappy there. I just feel safer here. I could build a life there if I had to but why do that when Australia in general is so awesome.

So, from this American, I love being here and I’m so lucky to live in this country!

Injustice & Inequality

| Ben

What do I think about what’s happening in the USA right now?

I don’t really post a lot of my feelings about current events from the USA because I’m perpetually disappointed in my home country. I see a lot of #AllLivesMatter stuff on my Facebook wall and it’s usually from the people I expect. No surprises here. They’re people who can’t bear to be blamed and don’t want to take responsibility for the many, MANY acts of injustices that happen to people of color every single day. Let’s face it. It is a problem. It needs addressed and if peacefully bringing it to our leaders’ attention isn’t working, obviously something else must be done.

The inequality must be addressed. It’s not. We’ve got a president who will go and hide, tweeting from his hiding place, inciting hatred, and causing problems. Nothing is going to change until we change the quality of leadership.

You know something though? I can almost guarantee that change is not going to happen next year. I don’t have any faith left in US citizens to make sound decisions. I have even less faith in most of the so-called leaders. So far, they don’t lead, they just divide.

Before we address the #AllLivesMatter thing, we need to tackle the inequality concerning black lives. The statistics are abysmal and they’re not something that I am proud of as a dual national of the USA.

A lot of times, what I type here doesn’t come out as clear as I’d like it to but what I’m saying is that the racial divisiveness and injustice needs to stop. I am a supporter from afar. I know justice can happen but sadly with the state of the US, it is not within grasp with our current head of state.