Hi folks! I know that my posts here and new podcast episodes have begun to get more and more irregular for the past year and if you actually read this and somehow look forward to new content, I apologise. It has been a very brutal couple of years.

First, I’d like to say thank you for reading. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t believe I had some kind of audience. I know that audience has shrunk over the past few years and I accept that.

I am becoming more and more reluctant to discuss my private life and inner thoughts because I realise so much can be regurgitated and thrown in my face later. What goes up on the internet can possibly stick around forever. I’ve found the amount of oversharing I’ve done over the past 20+ years is alarming and well, I am growing very tired of it. My personal website is suffering and I’ve thought about just quitting quite a few times. Every time I try to, I come back because I like being creative. I see web design sometimes as an artistic craft. I like digital art.

What I am trying to say is that it is very possible that this will be my final year with a personal website. I might try to keep it around for my more creative projects if I can get to the point where I want to SHARE that with people. Who knows. As I’ve said before, every time I try to stop, I end up coming back. Do I fight the urge or do I let things go?

The podcast is suffering as well. I know I’ve had 3 or 4 restarts of it because my interest comes and goes. I tried to motivate myself by making a posting schedule as a guideline. Obviously, that hasn’t worked because the last one I recorded was back in October. The next one has been moved about 6 or 7 times now. That’s not good. Again, it’s about not sharing so much. I’m happy to keep it around, but if I do continue it, I want it to be a little showcase of the stuff I make.

I’m going to see how the year goes. I am still developing my website, but I am removing things going forward.

As always, I hope this finds you well. I hope everything is going well for you. I will be around in one form or another, but I am guessing you’re going to have to make some effort to find me.

I’ve been a bit quiet lately.

Do I have the holiday blues? Not really. One of the things I’ve learned to accept is that I only want to do Christmas when it’s cold. There aren’t any decorations in my house. There aren’t any reminders that Christmas is only 5 days away.

Things are a little harder these days and I seem to want to be alone more. The only person I really want to see or interact with is my partner because he helps me put my thoughts into perspective. He does a really good job with that. He’s well-equipped for that academically and professionally. When I am feeling low, he’s my go-to person. At the same time, I don’t want to burden him with my issues, because I know my poor guy lives in a stressful world of his own. One of the hardest things for me to accept is that there are people who are happy to listen to my issues and problems.

I’ve just been down lately but as weird as it sounds, I am not feeling depressed. I am just down because my money isn’t lasting as long as it used to. Since I’ve moved, I’ve been struggling a bit more, but at the same time, I am not suffering. I’d like to save more though. The fact that I’m not able to save more is really bothering me because I am going to be paying a mortgage soon. I feel like I just finished paying my overdue debts from when I moved here permanently. (I made quite a few bad decisions–like not paying my bills.)

My primary job is really stressful and I try to limit going overboard with it so I can stay sane. I just need to work more and that in turn is adding to my stress. I’m also separated from my partner as well. I do get pretty excited when I get to see him. I get to see him on Wednesday afternoon, but who’s counting down? I absolutely love this guy and I’d love to share more of our lives together, but well, yeah, I know we have to keep things a bit under wraps publicly.

It could be worse, maybe?

So yeah, I am working nights mostly. I sleep during the day and I am awake at night. I woke up at 11 pm, got up and played ARK and here I am now at 5 am. Things are quiet when I have nights off. I kind of like it sometimes, but it’s so weird because I don’t answer messages and calls because I feel like I’m sleeping all the time. It’s why I haven’t been able to do much with my websites lately.

So, yeah, it’s just a temporary down. I find the good things in every crappy situation and it helps. It lasts for a day or two, and then I am fine. It doesn’t last weeks like it used to. I just wish things were a bit more manageable and wish that my partner was a bit closer. I also realise that people are doing it worse than I am right now. I am very grateful I have a job and a place I like (though all the damned moths are driving me insane).

I shall be back with a podcast episode soon, I hope. I have picked up a few more work days so don’t expect anything long and magical. That’s all from me. Thanks for listening.

Wow! The new year is just around the corner and what a socially isolated year it has been. I can probably count the number of times I posted here on my fingers and toes. I guess that’s what happens when you can’t go anywhere and do anything.

So what’s happening for the rest of the year for me?

Podcasting

Two more episodes are coming (as far as I’ve planned). Both are kind of those “obligatory” episodes–the giving thanks and Christmas-time/end-of-year one. I’m just going to explain what my blessings have been over the year and what is coming in the year ahead (if everything goes nicely).

Website

I am really struggling to justify why I even have a personal website and have told people that this upcoming year is probably the last year. I say that a lot, but it rarely happens. So… who knows what’s going to happen. I am working on stuff though, mostly the link router code, podcast guide code, and media player. I’m actually currently working on all three in my spare time.

Spare Time?

I don’t have much due to my new job and travelling, sadly. So progress is a bit slow.

Lemonade in the Machine

I spilled lemonade (the equivalent of Sprite or 7-up) in my keyboard. Boo.

Watching the Case for Luxuries

I want to update my Apple Watch from the series 4 to the latest. Because I keep getting sick and have a very small amount of sick hours, I can’t get that right now. It’s a luxury that I can do without. It’s the first time in a while that my finances are very tight. I am okay, but if you think you don’t have money, you will spend less, right?

Accounting and Coffee

I don’t know if you knew, but if you have an account at my website, you can access not-so-public stuff like podcast episodes that aren’t on the feed and some of my music. If you support me with 3 coffees, I’ll give you access to that for about a year. Just tell me through the contact form after you sign up for an account, and I’ll credit you.

I will warn you that not a lot is available at the moment, but there is some new content. Right now, anybody with an account can access the hidden stuff so you don’t have to give me coffee if you don’t want to. I do like coffee though! 😉

End

There’s not much more to say except that I am not posting much on Twitter or this blog lately. I use Mastodon instead. Follow me if you want to.

It’s that time of the year: my hosting account needs a sacrifice of money to continue. Fun fact though: I have paid next year’s hosting about 6 months ago. I’ve had a personal website since 1998 and I have been oversharing what happens in my life since then.

I have been documenting some aspects of my life for a really long time. In hindsight, I have made a ton of mistakes and probably have ruined any chance I have running for any political office due to my sometimes not-so-popular opinions.

The Internet has allowed me to open up about things and get things off my chance over the years which is a good thing. There were times when I thought I was alone only to find that I wasn’t. Sometimes I think the connection with like-minded individuals probably saved my life. I’m so thankful for that.

Until I discovered this big online world, I was shy and well, I didn’t have many friends. Of course, a lot of that was due to my upbringing. I like my quiet life mostly. I don’t think I would really enjoy getting attention. I don’t know how I would handle that, but I have to say that I can see how celebrities go off the deep end at times.

Lately, and especially since I moved away from my partner, I have felt like I want some attention. I need some form of social interaction but living in a “new” place makes it a bit hard. Sure, I’ve got extended family there, but I don’t feel like I can rush there every time I get sad, lonely, and unhappy.

As I write this, I am in my “old” place with my husband and I am pretty happy. I miss the guy a lot even if he irritates me sometimes. It will be hard to return home when I have to go in a few days.

I will be fine. I chose this lonely sort of life but at the same time, I know that I have the support of strangers which, in a way, makes me feel better.

Rambling completed. It’s nice to have you here, even if you just read. 🙂

Here’s hoping that you have a scary Halloween! Stuff your face of treats and don’t forget to scare the piss out of your friends!

I don’t really do the Halloween thing in Australia and I am a little jealous when I see all my family and friends having a good time. Whatever you do, be safe and stay healthy! 🙂

My post-move podcast episode is on the backburner right now. I just don’t have the time and energy to record anything. Moving away is stressful and separating from the partner isn’t easy either. (We are still a couple, but I took a job somewhere else. I still can’t remove that feeling of feeling that this has been a really selfish move.

As you can see, I am having a hard time processing things, but also, my lovely partner has been so supportive in all this. He’s a gem. I still feel like what I did was selfish.

Anyway, I am just letting everybody know what’s happening with me, and as I said, I will try my hardest to record something… I might just bring along my phone and record with it.

I’ll see you all later. I am all good.

I’ve been delaying my new podcast episode because things are a little crazy right now.

Long story short: I’ve got a new job and I’m moving more than 4 hours away from here. I’ve been busy trying to find a place and it hasn’t been easy. If you have a hard time with rejection and you’d like some practice, apply for rental houses. You’ll get used to it after a while. It still feels bad, but I have to say that the ones they’ve rejected need tenants right away. I started applying for places that need tenants after I leave my job here. Right now, there’s like a 2-5 day gap from me leaving my current role and going to my new one. So my schedule is pretty tight.

I’m still looking for a house but with no notice, I can’t find a place and move into it. Plus, I want to save a bit more.

I have a lot of feelings with this move and I don’t feel like I’ve processed them yet, so my next podcast episode will be full of processing. It’s not a simple move, unfortunately. No breakups or separations are involved, by the way. 😉

Everybody take care of yourselves. Excuse the grammatical issues you may run into. See you later!

Sorry for missing my podcast episode date. There are a lot of changes happening in my life that I’ll talk about in it. It’s kept me from being online very much.

I know this is short, but at least it’s something, right? 🙂

I hope everybody is doing well. 🙂

Title says it all. Things are a little crazy at the moment.

I recently applied for a new job that is across the state which presents many issues between my personal and professional lives. I am so stressed about making the right decision, but then again, I haven’t really gotten the new job yet.

I applied for a job and was contacted for an interview in 3 days. I wasn’t expecting a result that fast, but my partner was very unhappy that I applied for work that is about four hours away from here. I got to carry a certain amount of guilt with me to the place, through the interview, and back again. I am waiting on their decision. Since my interview, I’ve been very sick. My jaw hurts. I’ve been getting headaches. It’s no fun at all. It’s at a place where I’ve wanted to work permanently for a long time.

I still don’t know what to do, but at some point I’ll have to decide.

That’s what’s stressing me at the moment. I hope that I have good news later–but will that “good” news be good? It remains to be seen. I just need to learn my fate from this company.

See you around. 🙂

Once upon a time, when the internet was new and shiny for regular people, I started unknowingly building a community of friends and followers. It was a simple website where I posted my thoughts and feelings of what it was like to be in a long-term relationship. I think people had a front seat into my relationship–the good, the bad, and the annoyingly frustrating. For some reason, people liked my style of being brutally honest and upfront with the way that I felt. As time passed, and after people recognising me in public, I stepped back and started censoring a lot of stuff. I think the way I explained things back then would be a privacy advocate’s worst nightmare. As time passed, I have learned what a horribly scary place the internet can be. I guess more than 20 years can do that to you, right?

Sometimes I think about how I miss that little community. People would find me and talk to me for friendship. I was able to meet so many people around the world this way. I was able to expand my view of the world and become curious of what other parts of the world had to offer. This community of people that I built from scratch was paramount for my exploration. I am so thankful for that.

A few times after this, I’ve attempted to rebuild a community of like-minded people through podcasting and for a while, I would say that was successful. Then I’d quit. Then I’d go back to it. Then I’d quit. The cycle never ends.

I want to try to reconnect with strangers in a nice way–to bring people together. I’ve been trying, but I’ve also been failing at that spectacularly. I know that I have and I haven’t really done anything to improve that. I’d like to though, but my progress has been slow.

Maybe one day I can rebuild that community through being myself. I will see how that goes. 🙂

(And geez, I was looking for screen shots of my old sites and trust me, you don’t want to see them. Lots of ugliness and missing images. That’s no fun! I’ve been at this since 1998, by the way… I’m old!)

I’m pretty sick right now, and I think I’ve promised one of my not-so-regular podcast episodes today. My voice is absolute garbage at the moment, and I am coughing a lot. I don’t think this is going to happen today. I’m 100% sure of it.

I mentioned that I am not recording podcast episodes as often, and I guess this is proof. I’m not doing much of anything lately, am I? Not really. I did get the new car that I ordered a few months ago though, so I guess you’ll hear all about it at some point.

Maybe we will do that next Friday. Does that sound good to you?

Hi. Welcome to the weekend.

A couple of days ago I posted a little message on Twitter that wasn’t very encouraging and just wanted to say that I am doing fine. I was doing well then, and I am doing okay now. Things just got busy and I wanted to have some time to myself. I am just tired, I guess. Everybody’s entitled to that, right? Right.

I have also been sifting through some business stuff which has caused me a little stress–nothing overly concerning. I’ve been considering shutting up shop with my independent IT consulting stuff and I have been presented with an opportunity to end it gracefully, however I am not sure whether I will want to do it or not. I’m giving myself a few days to think about it. (My IT stuff is my side job.)

I’ve moved around my podcast episodes because I haven’t been in the mood. Though there have been a lot of good things happening, I am just not in the mood to chat about it. I’m not sure why.

Car is being delivered sooner than expected. Mid-July. I’m going to pick it up in a few weeks.

I also got my second (and last) COVID vaccination yesterday. That might be why I’m so cranky today. I am achy and having to take pain relievers since everything is sore and I am running a bit of a fever though I am freezing.

These are the things I was going to talk about, so hope that this suffices. I’ll be back later and hopefully in a better mood. Catch you later!